Just a time for a quickie, love.

The BBC had this headline on their web page "Cucumber fear spreads in Europe". It conjures up fantastical images of giant man-eating cucumbers. 

Man-eating cucumber

Procrastination monster strikes again.

If you've ever had something really important to do that you can't really be arsed to do, such as studying for an exam or tidying your room, I'll bet you a million pounds that you've had a run in with the procrastination monster.

The procrastination monster 

This beast is currently ruining my life. I sit down in the morning to do some studying then, BAM! I'm distracted and doing something completely unrelated to my original task. I should really be studying right now, oops.

In my defence I'm still recuperating from last week. I was out stumbling home late most nights. In my school each department, so in my case Chemistry, Physics and Biology, go out on the lash together. This includes the teaching staff, I can honestly say that I now view my teachers (or should I say ex-teachers) in a completely different light. It is quite on odd feeling to know that they're never going to teach me again. You don't realise that they have such an influence on you till it all stops.

Still, only a few pesky little exams then I have a whole summer to look forward to and then I can get stuck into Uni!!!! WOO! (apologies for the profusion of exclamation marks, I just get really excited...)

Right, I'm off to battle the procrastination monster and get some A-levels. Over and Out.

A short story about spelling.

I've been reading through my posts and although on the whole I think they're quite good (yea, my ego only just fits through doorways) there is one thing that niggles. My spelling. I'm very sorry if you're the kind of person who can naturally spell amazingly well and to whom my poor spelling causes almost physical pain. I've always had a problem with it. Personally, I think I might be a bit dyslexic (what sadist made that word so hard to spell) sometimes I read words in the wrong order and when I speak the wrong word comes out. Having said this, I'm probably just being melodramatic and in reality I'm simply overtired and bad at spelling.

I've managed to get through 14 years of schooling and still not know instinctively which "which" is which. I miss letters out and throw extra ones into words depending on how generous I'm feeling at the time. I've produced work that is positively Elizabethan in terms of the variety of spellings for a single word it contains.

"Proof read!" I hear you cry. Unfortunately, for proof reading to work one must know how to spell the word in the first place. I think I have everything perfectly until someone points out a heinous error and I am forced to reconsider everything I've already written.

I think the best way to sum up my problem is to tell you a little anecdote about a time when my inability to spell has actually ruined my life. I got an interview at Kings College London. I arrived, full of excitement and potential, raring to prove that I would be an epic midwife. They gave me a numeracy assessment. "Easy" I said to myself  "I have an A in GCSE maths and I do A-level physics." I passed with flying colours. Result. They gave me a literacy assessment. "Easy" I thought to myself  "I'm clearly literate, I have and A in GCSE English language and I do A-level history, I write essays ALL the time. Wrong. I failed and got rejected from the university. I got 2/10 in my spelling test. Seriously.

What I'm really trying to say is that I'm very sorry for any misspellings in my posts. My bad. Have a song about poetry to make up for it.

YAY! FRANK TURNER!

The day I get eaten by my cats.

We've all had them, the traumatic moment when you realise that you're going to end up a 50 year old spinster who gets eaten by her cats and no-one notices till two weeks later. Unloved and alone. I'm going to let you into a little secret, I recently got dumped. Heartlessly tossed into the gutter. Rejected. Tragically left to wither, lonely and hurt.  Ok, it wasn't quite as dramatic as that. All things considered it was very civilized and amicable. However, I'm going to explain how I got through the lonely evenings before I decided that I would probably survive.

If you've ever seem the film Bridget Jones you'll know this scene:

Well, this is what I was reduced to. I know, pathetic right. I sat in my room listening to ADELE wallowing in self pity, swigging Malibu straight from the bottle. I even had my own tub of ice cream in the freezer I was getting through so much of the stuff. You think I'm joking. I'm not. I lay on my bed in my pants and sang into my hair brush.

I regressed to being about 7 on a few evenings when I decided to see if my life could get any worse by seeing what would happen if I had no knees. This resulted in me walking around my house with my knees locked straight for a few hours. I can conclude that my life would be worse if I was unloved and had no knees. I also started going to bed at about half eight (although this was probably the Malibu)

Now, I'm not unattractive (at least I don't think I am) and I'm sure that I will find someone with whom I will share many an evening watching university challenge, drinking red wine and discussing, I don't know, Shakespeare? But until then I feel there will be just as many nights spent with my two favourite guys, Mr Ben and Mr Jerry (just kidding, like I could afford Ben and Jerrys, own brand all the way!)

And hey, Bridget Jones pulled both Colin Firth AND Hugh Grant, even with massive knickers. There must be hope for me yet.

I promise this website isn't as pervy as it sounds.

Look at this website manbabies.com. It made me laugh so much I almost cried. The things you do when you're procrastinating. 

If I voted am I now a real grown up?

Ok, so politics. I would be lying if I said I understand what's happening all the time. What I'm trying to say is that I understand the basic principle and take a passing interest but I'm not going to get all revolutionary. I simply don't know enough about it.  However, I did get quite excited by the recent referendum on AV (the alternitve vote). If you're still confused about AV check this out (if you don't care, read on Macduff*):




I voted yes to this. We lost but, hey, that's democracy for you. I know that AV is not a perfect system but, at the end of the day, all voting systems are flawed and I wanted to see what would happen with this new one. I realise that this may not have been the most responsible way to cast my vote but I'm all for a good social experiment so I don't really care. I would also like to point out that I did not vote for AV because I necessarily agree with the Lib. Dems. I may have had a brief love affair but they left me feeling dirty and unfulfilled, jus' sayin'.

I liked being able to vote, it gave me a feeling of power, like I could really make a difference. This is probably a very naive veiw for me to have but I'm young, being naive is part of the job description. On the whole I currently think democracy still works. I do feel privileged to live in a society that is fairly uncorrupted and we have some degree of choice about how the country is run. Democracy must come hand in hand with freedom of speech and it must accept satire as par for the course. Which neatly brings me to two of my favourite tumblr blogs. I think the sum the current government perfectly. Hope they make you smile. David Cameron pretending to be common and Nick Clegg looking sad.

*I do know this is a pun on a misquotation and the original was not "lead on, Macduff" but rather "Lay on, Macduff, and the dammed be him who cries 'Hold! Enough!'". Geez guys, take a joke....

Feeling down?

Reasons you could feel sad right now:
1) Exam season is looming in an alarminly threatening manner and you're sitting an writting a blog post that no-one will care about rather than revising.
2) You've just lost someting important.
3)Your dog just died a horrific death.

This is your dog.

4) You just listened to ADELE and now you feel sorry for yourself.
5) People laugh at you when you speak.
6) No-one loves you.

Anyway, whatever you're reason is, what you really need to do is listen to a good rabble raising song such as:

I Knew Prufrock Before He Got Famous by Frank Turner. 

This beauty features Lyrics such as:  

"Yeah I am sick and tired of people who are living on the b-list
Yeah they're waiting to be famous, and they're wondering why they do this
And I know I'm not the one who it habitually optimistic
But I'm the one who's got the microphone here so just remember this
Well life is about love, lost minutes and lost evening
About fire in our bellies and about furtive little feelings
And the aching amplitudes that set our needles all flickering
And they help us with remembering that the only thing left to do is live

After all the loving and losing, after all the heroes and the pioneers
The only thing that's left to do is get another round in at the bar."

OH YEA!