The day I get eaten by my cats.

We've all had them, the traumatic moment when you realise that you're going to end up a 50 year old spinster who gets eaten by her cats and no-one notices till two weeks later. Unloved and alone. I'm going to let you into a little secret, I recently got dumped. Heartlessly tossed into the gutter. Rejected. Tragically left to wither, lonely and hurt.  Ok, it wasn't quite as dramatic as that. All things considered it was very civilized and amicable. However, I'm going to explain how I got through the lonely evenings before I decided that I would probably survive.

If you've ever seem the film Bridget Jones you'll know this scene:

Well, this is what I was reduced to. I know, pathetic right. I sat in my room listening to ADELE wallowing in self pity, swigging Malibu straight from the bottle. I even had my own tub of ice cream in the freezer I was getting through so much of the stuff. You think I'm joking. I'm not. I lay on my bed in my pants and sang into my hair brush.

I regressed to being about 7 on a few evenings when I decided to see if my life could get any worse by seeing what would happen if I had no knees. This resulted in me walking around my house with my knees locked straight for a few hours. I can conclude that my life would be worse if I was unloved and had no knees. I also started going to bed at about half eight (although this was probably the Malibu)

Now, I'm not unattractive (at least I don't think I am) and I'm sure that I will find someone with whom I will share many an evening watching university challenge, drinking red wine and discussing, I don't know, Shakespeare? But until then I feel there will be just as many nights spent with my two favourite guys, Mr Ben and Mr Jerry (just kidding, like I could afford Ben and Jerrys, own brand all the way!)

And hey, Bridget Jones pulled both Colin Firth AND Hugh Grant, even with massive knickers. There must be hope for me yet.

I promise this website isn't as pervy as it sounds.

Look at this website manbabies.com. It made me laugh so much I almost cried. The things you do when you're procrastinating. 

If I voted am I now a real grown up?

Ok, so politics. I would be lying if I said I understand what's happening all the time. What I'm trying to say is that I understand the basic principle and take a passing interest but I'm not going to get all revolutionary. I simply don't know enough about it.  However, I did get quite excited by the recent referendum on AV (the alternitve vote). If you're still confused about AV check this out (if you don't care, read on Macduff*):




I voted yes to this. We lost but, hey, that's democracy for you. I know that AV is not a perfect system but, at the end of the day, all voting systems are flawed and I wanted to see what would happen with this new one. I realise that this may not have been the most responsible way to cast my vote but I'm all for a good social experiment so I don't really care. I would also like to point out that I did not vote for AV because I necessarily agree with the Lib. Dems. I may have had a brief love affair but they left me feeling dirty and unfulfilled, jus' sayin'.

I liked being able to vote, it gave me a feeling of power, like I could really make a difference. This is probably a very naive veiw for me to have but I'm young, being naive is part of the job description. On the whole I currently think democracy still works. I do feel privileged to live in a society that is fairly uncorrupted and we have some degree of choice about how the country is run. Democracy must come hand in hand with freedom of speech and it must accept satire as par for the course. Which neatly brings me to two of my favourite tumblr blogs. I think the sum the current government perfectly. Hope they make you smile. David Cameron pretending to be common and Nick Clegg looking sad.

*I do know this is a pun on a misquotation and the original was not "lead on, Macduff" but rather "Lay on, Macduff, and the dammed be him who cries 'Hold! Enough!'". Geez guys, take a joke....

Feeling down?

Reasons you could feel sad right now:
1) Exam season is looming in an alarminly threatening manner and you're sitting an writting a blog post that no-one will care about rather than revising.
2) You've just lost someting important.
3)Your dog just died a horrific death.

This is your dog.

4) You just listened to ADELE and now you feel sorry for yourself.
5) People laugh at you when you speak.
6) No-one loves you.

Anyway, whatever you're reason is, what you really need to do is listen to a good rabble raising song such as:

I Knew Prufrock Before He Got Famous by Frank Turner. 

This beauty features Lyrics such as:  

"Yeah I am sick and tired of people who are living on the b-list
Yeah they're waiting to be famous, and they're wondering why they do this
And I know I'm not the one who it habitually optimistic
But I'm the one who's got the microphone here so just remember this
Well life is about love, lost minutes and lost evening
About fire in our bellies and about furtive little feelings
And the aching amplitudes that set our needles all flickering
And they help us with remembering that the only thing left to do is live

After all the loving and losing, after all the heroes and the pioneers
The only thing that's left to do is get another round in at the bar."

OH YEA!

I would have wished you a happy royal wedding day but I was eating cucumber sandwiches.

Sorry guys, I was just far too excited to wish you a happy day yesterday. I know that I don't know the happy couple (although Duke and Duchess Cambridge right? I totally claim them as my own...) but I'm a romantic at heart and they seem truly in love. And the dress!? OMGoodness. I want it!

Unfortunately, my invitation got lost in the post (damn you Royal Mail) so I ended up gatecrashing my friend's house. We had hats and tea and scones and I LOVED it! Granted, this was mainly because I got to stuff my face with various cup cakes and crust-less sandwiches etc. but I'm up for taking any excuse for a party. And also, Prince Harry, I'm single and I really like posh boys. *thumbs up*

some of the advertising and memorabilia was truly ingenious. For the past month my facebook has been sharing my favourites with me nearest and dearest. For example:

This advert

This plate

These condoms (lie back and think of England!)

This nail art

And my personal favourite. I got this from the targeted facebook ads on the sidebar. Are you ready for this? The willi-yum & cheese-kate. This was the name of a cheese cake! Well, it made my day anyway.

I'm sorry for the obligatory wedding related post but I honestly enjoyed yesterday and w/e u h8ers sez, I think its great that we got to have a good ol' knees up in  their honour. There. I've said it. I'm officially a royalist. Here's a picture of Wills and Kate. HURRAH!

It's surprisingly difficult to write a poignant post.

I am half way through a decent one, but for now I present:


 Today's notes to self:


1) When falling over, try not to land in nettles.


2) When walking into the bathroom, know to contain woodlice, turn the light on an check the floor before walking on it. Crunch.


3) Don't walk through the house in your underwear without checking who's at home.

4) Don't fake tan in low lighting conditions

What I would give for a train ticket to anywhere but here.

Ok, so it's been I while. My profuse apologies for the lateness of this post. I would like to use the excuse that I've been insanely busy, however, this would not be entirely true. I've mostly been watching old TV series' on 4OD. I'm not going to lie to you, this is probably a really bad thing and will invariably lead to me failing at life. On the other hand, I can pass it off as preparation for uni next year. My justification is that I can now discuss pretty much any TV genre someone could throw at me. 


I can do the same thing with books. I've read a little from a wide rage of literature. This enables me to bluff my way through any discussion. The best friend keeps me on my toes with this one. She will be studying English literature next year this means that a quiet lunch at a cafe can quite easily descend into a fully fledged debate into the merits of feminist writing. I can almost match her. This fills me with a smug sense of satisfaction because she's pretty rubbish at talking about midwifery (this is what I'm going to do next year *squee of excitement ensues*). Granted this is a narrower feild of intrest but still...


Anyway, I digress, what I really wanted to talk about is itchy feet. Not literal itchy feet(although if you have that it could be something like athletes foot, easily treated with over the counter creams) but itchy feet that mean that I'm going stir crazy being stuck very picturesque but inherently dull town. I just can't wait to escape the inane small town politics and claustrophobic nature of my large family. 


Don't get me wrong, I can't think of a better way to grow up. I love my family dearly and the town is safe and homely. This doesn't stop me feeling like there are far better things to come. I don't know what adventures next year is going to bring but I'm sure they are going to be wonderful and incredibly exciting! I just can't wait to get started. 


I feel that this will probably be a life long issue for me. I have a short attention span, I struggle to sit through an entire film. This means that I simply get bored being in the same place for too long. My parents are the same, we moved house a lot when I was growing up because my Mum gets bored of one house. Fortunately, I only have a few months to stick it out here. Here's hoping I manage to refrain from becoming a homicidal psychopathic in this time. Wish me luck :)